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Love

8/27/2012

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Picture
Photo Credit to "It's a Sweet Life"
I'd like to edit the poster on the left a bit to read: "who loved you when you BELIEVED you weren't very lovable." and add "if they really LOVED you they would love you no matter what."  and "if you loved yourself it probably wouldn't have mattered."
"Who loved you when you weren't very lovable means you are only lovable under certain conditions.  That is called conditional love.  Seems like the kind of love that needs to be earned. It goes like this; if you do this I'll love you.  If you don't act like ____ I'll love you.  I think it is better stated:  I may not like what you did, said or how you behaved AND I still love you, regardless. It boils down to ACCEPTANCE and ACKNOWLEDGMENT, to name a few. 
  What about this:  The most memorable people in your life will be the ones you remember as those who hurt you?  Do you think that a child from an abusive home is going to remember their abuser as loving them?  Maybe yes and maybe no. It may be argued. Nevertheless, children are very resilient and forgiving, and each handles abuse differently. I'll bet that a great number of them see the most memorable people as not being very loving AND as not believing they were or are very lovable.  Bottom line is that both the abuser and abused child would greatly benefit from Self Love. Then Personal Peace {the greatest benefit of working with Comfort Coaching} could exist for all! 

    My reality is that if you truly love someone you don't stop loving them.  You may not be "in" the relationship with a person any longer.  The person maybe near or far away. You may be AWARE that an ongoing relationship is no longer in your or their best interest. None of these scenarios mean you can't still love them. 
     I don't have A memorable person in my life.  I AM blessed by the love from everyone who has touched my life, because I believe that each crossed my path for a "Reason Season or Lifetime" {see poem below author unknown}.  If they don't see it from my perspective.... that's their business....MY business first and foremost is Self Love!  If I love myself I am sure to find love everywhere and in everyone I meet and if they don't find me lovable....well perhaps some healing would be in order. 
Imagine: What if everyone knew about Self Love? What if everyone was AWARE that they are the person for whom they have been searching? What might the world be like then?
I am creating a new poster which reads:
I AM the most memorable person in my life
I AM always Lovable
because I was created
from Love
for Love
to Love
I AM LOVE!

      If this seems difficult to grasp you may want to have a complimentary chat with me.  Just contact me at www.ComfortCoachingConnection.com.                                    


                                             Reason, Season, or Lifetime
                                                    author unknown

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support.
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desired fulfilled;their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real.  But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

   

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Dear Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger, Empathizers: Wholly Heal Broken Hearts with Self Love!

5/18/2011

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The question is "How to handle "transition"?"

Before the response allow me to preface with this:
Have you ever felt that if someone loved you enough then he/she wouldn't betray you?  Have you thought that if you bent over backwards to please, tried to be a perfect supportive partner then love would be enough to "protect" n "secure" the relationship?  Does the intimate history or time invested in a relationship establish a firm foundation to keep it on going?

Suppose the conversation inside your head sounds like this:
If I had done something better, different or did more he/she wouldn't have cheated on me.  If I was physically more attractive, if I had behaved differently, made different choices, it wouldn't have happened.  If I was younger, more intelligent, more attentive, less wrapped up in myself, not ill, etc. there wouldn't have been an affair. Basically believing, if I was MORE WORTHY of the other person's love we would have survived as a couple!
What kind of thoughts are those.... sounds like self blaming thoughts!   Aren't you hurting enough already from having your TRUST violated n from the shock of the facts?  Why would you want to mentally abuse yourself with that type of continued counter productive internal conversation?   FYI, blaming the other doesn't work either.

What about setting those egoic thoughts aside for a moment n stay with the feelings those thoughts evoke?  Feel what you are feeling, cry, scream, write, sing a song at the top of your lungs, punch a pillow etc. to vent.  When you feel like you are finished do it again n again when those feelings reappear.  Then just "BE".  "BE" in the moment, by yourself in an uninterrupted place, maybe a private place outside in nature. Take a few deep cleansing breaths. After just "BEING" when you are ready begin to mentally list everything you can think of for which you are GRATEFUL.   For example, "I am grateful for my children", "I am grateful for my friends", etc.  Let the list go on taking more breaths as you reach a calm place.  What about holding onto that calmness, that frame of mind while....
Now back to the orginal question of "how to transform".
   Congratulations!
Step 1
is already completed!  YOUR AWARENESS.   Asking the question indicates that you are ready for your next step.  You have experienced the "issue", the turnmoil, the drama, the hurt, the problem n if you took the suggested tip above or did something else to find a moment of PEACE, give yourself a huge amount of credit n a hug for being able to accomplish that n for realizing transformation is your goal.
Step 2.  What about keeping your focus on the solution?
What about staying out of the where you have already been?  Namely, keep from giving the "what happened" any of your energy? Of course, you don't want to avoid, deny, or suppress your feelings so go ahead and repeat the above PEACE exercise whenever necessary.  However, by repeating what happened, by discussing the facts with friends etc. you are fueling the unchangeable past. By not doing that you are limiting its power.
Step 3. What do YOU want?....What do YOU want your life to be like?
Imagine, what you want your next few minutes to be like, how do you want to feel, do something just for YOU, read a book, take a bubble bath etc.  Keep going through your day minute by minute or hr. by hr.  Whatever works for YOU!
Don't confuse this step with HOW you're going to get it the way you want it.  When you are ready clearly decide what do YOU want?  Notice the emphasis is on YOU!  Not on what you think others want you to do, not on what you think you should do.  Does this sound selfish?  Some say yes because there are others involved, others to be considered.  Sure that is a given n what about thinking about it this way....time for my famous airplane story.  What the airline attendant says to do in case of an emergency....something like this...."for all of those with small children, please attend to your oxygen mask first"  The first time I flew on a commercial airline was with my 2yr old n my 6 wk old sons n when I heard that I said to myself "no way my children come first!"  Well, after 8 children n my second divorce I finally got it.  If I don't take care of myself what good am I going to be for my children?  You know the if mommy isn't happy saying.  A TRUTH I learned the hard way at the cost of hurting my children!  Soooooooo, what about listening to YOUR heart rather than YOUR head?  Be honest with yourself, even if you only come up with 1 thing you know you want your life to be like write it down n as other qualities, values n standards appear to you write them down in a very detailed way.   
Step 4.  What is next?
What do you want to do?
If you decide you don't want to go it on your own what can you do?  If you're asking me for a suggestion I highly recommend a Life Coach, specifically, www.ComfortCoachingConnection.com ;)  Whatever you decide know transformation is a process which may include dealing with grief n forgiveness as well as other aspects of change.  Meanwhile be gentle with yourself healing takes time n includes going from phase to phase.  It must be done or else energy will get trapped in your physical body n will manisfest illness in some way n it's the only way you will be able to find PEACE!

SUMMARY
You know where you've been....the problem.
You've shifted from the problem by focusing on solution strategies.
You've taken 1 or more action steps.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You're officially on your way in the process of transformation.
You know how you want to feel.
You know possibilities exist.
You know you have choices to make.
You know you are not alone, empowerment n support is available.
Know you deserve PEACE!
Know you deserve to Wholly Heal!
Know you will evolve to a higher self!
Know its time for SELF LOVE!
Sincerely in Spirit,
Sharon


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Closure

4/25/2011

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Merriam-Webster's online dictionary offers as one of its definitions for closure:
"an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality <victims needing closure>; also : something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense."

When I suffered a loss I knew I needed closure yet to me that meant that I needed to move from my suffering to a place of acceptance not to a place of ending.  Physical death is an ending because when someone or something such as a pet dies once taken away it can no longer be physically touched. That in no way would be a satisfying ending for me.  I'd only see a "satisfied ending" relative if it was a piece of trash.  Comforting on the other hand could apply in regards to trying to find comfort because of the loss but not from the loss.
Victims need closure because unless they can rid themselves from the mental replay of the event {even if the perpetrator is brought to justice} they will be tormented repeatedly n endlessly.  In this instance ending is appropiate.
A bit confusing I admit, albeit here's my point. 
My belief is that closure is whatever the bereaved needs in order to heal the hurt of the loss.  Thus, grieving is very individualize.
No one knows when grief might show up,because life is a series of unknows.  Personally, my worse fears revolve around the unknown.  When something is happening I am much better at handling it as opposed to not knowing what to expect.  The reason I have learned to handle anxiety/worry with trusting that "thy will be done", everything is meant to be etc. philosophy. So in the meantime a very important lesson....Love, be grateful, and more importantly demonstrate both to those you Love everyday.  I still kiss n hug all my "adult kids" goodbye every time I see them....just in case.
If you lose someone due to death, a broken heart or the ending to anything reach out for help before it gets worse.
Sincerely in Spirit,
Sharon

The following is something I wrote when I realized I was grieving from an unfulfilled relationship.

THE LAST TIME
copyright ©  Aug. 21, 1999 Sharon Fisher  
I don't remember
the last time
we had an intimate conversation
shared our hopes n dreams
or revealed personal feelings.  
I don't remember
the last time
I reached to touch your hand,
or walked over n wrapped my arms around you
or spoke aloud "I love you".  
I do remember
the last time
I wished I had apologized
for the hurt I've caused
from needing you
when you weren't there
to fill my voids.  
lacking strength
to express myself
I do remember
the last time
I saw your handsome face
so serene n forgiving.
THE LAST TIME
as the lid to your coffin
CLOSED.
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POEM: ALWAYS N FOREVER

4/14/2011

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ALWAYS N FOREVER
© 12/17/07 Sharon A. Fisher

My mind wanders back....
to yester years....                                                           
before the rude awakening....
while the darkness of nightfall
eliminates the chance of sunshine
to heal the pain.  

My body in one place....
My mind another....
My heart being held....
in the hands of my lover.   

I thought I gave you a piece of my heart....
Now, I know I gave you a piece of my soul....
in the past....
here and now....
in the future....
always n forever....
you are with me my Love!


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Post Title.

2/16/2011

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It's amazing how the words from Loved ones about someone I never knew could touch me so deeply n move me so powerfully! 
I just had to write this to Shar'
I quote from an obituary found in today's Binghamton Press & Sun-Bulletin newspaper, albeit, it was in regards to a young man from Raleigh, NC. It is in reference to 22yr old Andrew Edward Katchuk's death.  It reads in part:  "Being such a kind and sensitive soul required him at times to armor himself to the pain of feeling so much love in his heart." 
How sad!  How true!  How I can empathize!  How it resonates with me!
I don't know how he felt AND I feel the same way....sometimes!
The feeling, the thought, Felice and Boudleaux Bryant knew when they wrote the song....Nazareth sings it with the energy of pain n knowing....I dare say we all have felt it sometime or other in our life...LOVE HURTS!
Hummmmmmm so is that blaming LOVE?
What about putting the blame {then of course forgiving it} on ourselves?
Huhhhh? Is that the response I hear?
Allow me to clarify....
We blame innocent LOVE...Why? Isn't Love suppose to be:"Love is patient, kind etc. you know that verse....
The blame belongs to us...for not loving ourselves first...yet that is still blaming.
Solution:  Allow yourself SELF-LOVE....I've heard n sorry to say I don't know who gets credit for this statement...."you can't love someone else before you love yourself."  I totally disagreed with that a number of yrs. ago AND now I totally agree only because I had to honestly experience it to come to know the TRUTH.
Really, is this Eckhart Tolle's idea of the "pain body" n is that why most people live from the ego...to armor themself from their
insecurities,low self esteem,the lack of feeling worthy....from not knowing SELF-LOVE?
No wonder so many are walking about on Earth in an ego shroud!
What if we flip it around n all discover our SELF-LOVE so we can all share this Earthly life living from the Spirit?!   PEACE at last!
I am taking my responsibility....working on me AND willing to empower others to heal their broken hearts so they too manifest SELF-LOVE!
Until that day arrives...."In the Meantime:Finding Yourself and the Love You Want" as Iyanla Vanzant has written.... Andrew Edward Katchuk AND family; My gratitude for such a beautifully composed tribute to your relative AND my condolences AND LOVE!
Sincerely in Spirit,
Sharon


 
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Post Title.

2/14/2011

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HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
Hopefully each n everyone has or had someone with whom to shar' loving moments, thoughts, conversations, emails, IMs today!  If not know that you are loved, regardless!  Here's believing LOVE'S energy in some way shape or form finds you today even if only via this blog!
Meanwhile, if today is the day that really hurt, please know it doesn't have to be that way.... your pain no longer needs to be prolonged....please, reach out for help by contacting SharonAFisher@ComfortCoachingConnection n begin the process to HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART WITH SELF-LOVE.
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    Sharon A. {Comfort} Fisher
    Certified Emotion Code Practitioner
    Raise your vibration by releasing old emotional baggage.

    Certified Life Coach

    Solution Focused
    HEAL YOUR PEOPLE PLEASING TRAITS WITH SELF-LOVE
    Relational
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    Human Developer
    "ARCHAEOLOGIST
         OF THE SOUL"

    Welcome....
    I've always said I am not a surface person. Whenever I meet someone I always want to know what makes them tick, how they experience life, where they've been & where they're headed in respect to the emotional & spiritual aspects of their life. 
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     I am extremely grateful for this awareness, because it has provided an opportunity for me to follow my passion
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